Before you know it

Things* that we can eat a ton of…

Don't stop until you get enough

Taco Burgers
Oreo cookies
Tootsie Rolls
Cool(er?) Ranch Doritos
Mini pretzels
M&Ms (Plain or Peanut)
Gummy Bears
Deviled eggs
Beef jerky
Brownies
Chips and Salsa/Queso
Fresh baked rolls
Waffles
Scrambled eggs
Bacon
Jello
Free salad and bread sticks
Free continental breakfast
Punkin pie
Pudding (chocolate only)
Peppernuts
Pssh.  PIZZA.
Lucky charms (only once in a blue moon, though)
Donut(hole)s

*These foods are to be enjoyed slowly and deliberately, without even realizing it.  They are not for scarfing.  Unless you feel like it or are in a hurry.

Like a Champion

W-wa-water!

Dear Diary,

I’m thirsty.  Guy-about-to-die-in-the-middle-of-the-desert thirsty.  I’m too weak/lazy to get up and get some water from the drinking fountain which is less than six meters away from my cubicle seat, where I’m sitting in a pathetic slump.

There a bottle of water on my shelf.  It’s been sitting there for six months, untouched.  I used it to water my plants, but then I stopped just to watch them die.  Fyi, they won’t die.  Someone else keeps watering them when I’m not in my office.

Is that water good?  It’s been sitting there, stagnant, for six months.  The cap is screwed on, but lightly, rather than tightly.

What would a bad-ass from the old west do?  They’d drink that water, is what!  They wouldn’t be all sissy about it, but then they’d probably die a horrible painful death, as their family watched with pity turning to anger turning to shame.

Too late, I drank it.  Let me just say it tastes fine; I’m just wondering if I’ll be cutting my guts out with a spoon later on tonight.